Celebrate Love without Terms & Condition - Nia M Wardani | A Logbook of Life Discoveries

 

Background Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Love is a seed of happiness, but also a seed of pain. Will we be able to love without terms? Can we love without breaking our hearts? Can our celebration of love be forever?

I am writing here in celebration of our blogger friend Bunda Lillah who is currently making a blogging challenge “Merayakan Cinta” in celebrating the 22nd anniversary of her marriage in February 14th. It is indeed an amazing way to celebrate your wedding, having many people writing about it and sharing the spirit.

It is quite difficult for me to write about love, because I mostly write about technical stuff. But then I discover an old notepad of mine. The writings are already blurred. The ink bleeds due to moisture, but I clearly remember the memory of why and how I wrote those notes with messy handwriting. I don’t expect to be the winner, though. Sharing the notes that I had in the past, sharing the memory, and also being involved in celebrating the special moment of Bunda Lillah’s anniversary is a different dimension of joy.

Oh, yes, about the memory.

The beginning of the notepad was dated December 8th, 2014, although the specific note about love was undated. It must be around that date, because the notes are only 8 pages apart. I was still unmarried, in the first years of my teaching career, and also still sitting my graduate courses at the same time. It was a very busy time.

I was appointed as the second homeroom teacher of a girls high school class. If I am not mistaken, they were in their grade 11. Every year, our school conducts about a-week-long camp for the students. We stayed in a resort in Bandungan called the Green Valley. During the camp we read books, do games, pray together, and listen to sermon-like speeches to increase the strength of our faith. Well, it was a break for the students from the school work. And also a way for the teachers to get closer to the students.

It was a hard time for me, though. I still needed to attend my graduate classes, while I needed to help other teachers, too, to conduct the program. The campsite was actually not very far away from my university, if only I had a motorbike. But even if I had a motorbike I couldn't ride one, so I had to use the public bus. And at that time, it took hours to reach the university. Not to mention the walking part from the site to the roadway and coming back from university to get ready for the night program. I am surprised that I survived that day!

Anyway. At that time, as one of the teachers on duty, I have to give a speech to the students. And the topic turned out to be love. What a topic for me, who had never experienced a romantic-kind of love relationship before! But it was exactly what the other teachers wanted me to tell the students. That not all love is romantic. Not all love is melodrama.

A Poem about Love - Clarify Love

So yes, I accepted the challenge. I found some writings about love, and wrote it in my notepad that night before going to sleep. Arranging how I would say it to my students, I ended up making a poem to attract their attention.

First page out of three page of the note

After reflecting on the poem at that time and reflecting back to the years after that, here I want to present you the refined form of the poem.

Clarify Love

Are your palms sweating, hearts pounding, and voices caught in your chests?
Is it love, or bewitched?

Are you unable to take our eyes off him?
Is it love, or lust?

Do you want him because you know he's there?
Is it love, or loneliness?

Do you love him because that's what everyone wants?
Is it love, or attention seeking?

Are you still claiming to love him because you don't want to hurt him?
Is it love, or pity?

Do you want to be his because the look in his eyes makes your hearts jump?
Is it love, or infatuation?

Do you forgive his mistakes because you believe in him?
Is it love, or friendship?

Do you tell him that every day he is all you think about?
Is it love, or lie?

Are you willing to give all the things you like for his own benefit?
Is it love, or generosity?


Reading this poem, I want them to clarify what they actually feel. Love is not wrong, but most of the time, we are biased by other factors around us.

Who to Love - Loving without terms and heartbreak

A person can choose any object to whom they love. Not only to people, people can give their love to animals, plants, objects, and even to things that they cannot see. But as human nature, when they love something, they want a payback. They want to be loved, too. This is the point where heartbreak is inevitable.

Parents love their children above their lives, but you might know in some cases when they feel sad or angry because of them. For example, when their children do not choose the career path their parents want or already prepared, or when their children are not visiting them in their elderly time. Different decisions can cause a huge conflict between parents and their children. Let alone, your spouse or partner. They are entirely coming from a different world.

Many people choose to give their love to animals, plants, or other objects. Oh yeah, animals love you back if you feed them. Plants will never shout at you, even when you forget to water them. They will slowly die and leave you heartbroken.

Who shall we love, so that we won’t feel pain?

Love God, so you won’t feel pain. He always embraces you more than you embrace Him. If you walk to Him, He will run to you.

Loving God, you will find more meaning in loving other people or objects. Love your parents because you love God, you will feel their last long compassion even in their highest voice tone. Love your children because you love God, you will find your reflection on them when there is something unsatisfying about them. Love your spouse because you love God, God will grant you heaven after all the difficulties you encounter. Love a person because you love God, you will not find yourself trapped in your lust. Love animals or plants or other objects because of God, you will see yourself in God’s order as khalifa to sustain His creatures on earth.

Love is not wrong, but the way we act in response to it may bring us heaven, or hell. Love God before you love something else will guide you to the right path. Follow His orders, avoid His prohibition.

Celebrate Love

Be happy if you fall in love. Love in your heart means that you are still human. Celebrate it everyday!

What is the best way to celebrate your love? I think it must be by being grateful for what God already gave to you. And the best way to show gratitude is to share and give benefit with others.

Just like what Bunda Lillah did.

Bunda Lillah could have chosen to just celebrate her anniversary only with her family. But she chose to give a greater impact to others. Making a challenge. Reminding others about love and compassion.

I wish Allah gives Bunda Lillah a long healthy life and a happy family, so that she can continue spreading love to others and making impacts. Happy 22nd wedding anniversary.

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